heartandsoul

Posted: earlier than the first one today, because it needs to be read after that one as prologue.

Mom, did you ever wonder what I would be like when I grew up. Did you want to know what I yearned for. Did you know that from the age of 14 that I wanted to help out families in trouble? I couldn't stand the way men whip up on them and use females, from the time they were babies(changing their diapers) and use them for their own pleasures, to see families split apart because of divorce. I always hated arguments and it hurt me to see when people couldn't get along, especially family members. Do you know that I practiced the most important aspect of what a therapist needs, active listening, from the time I was (can't really remember what age.) I even practiced marriage counseling when I was l5.

Did you know that I almost made straight A's , all through school, and on into college and graduate school. I had to study damn hard for those grades because I couldn't do it on my brains alone, only with determination. And because I always had a lot more responsibilities and other things that were more important. But, I also managed to get elected to student council, be in Y-Teens, and the swimming team. And I always had some kind of job since the age I could. Helped you with your chores everyday and spent all day Saturdays cleaning every square inch of our two story house and never rebelled. Meanwhile, brothers were allowed to be out having fun, because boys don't do housework. And, how I had to work enough hours, since dad passed away when I was 15, in order to buy my own food and clothes and anything I needed, because you threw everything up in my face. Do you know that I was the only one in the family to get a college education, except for sis, who got her A.A. degree?

Did you ever see all the crying I did ,when I lost my dad, and how it bothered me for a long time after and even to this very day, because no one had an idea that kids needed consolation too.

Did you know I tried to kill myself when I was 14 because everyone hated me and I was such a disappointment to every one.
Remember, one time you came to visit me when I lived in Canada and I tried to talk to you about how X was very abusive, wanting some advice of how I could make it stop. And, all you could say was, "You made your bed, lie in it."

I won't go on, mother, it's not really necessary. I thought a lot about what you good qualities were. The only real thing that stands out is that you found 'My Daddy' for me and how he was there to save our family.

I was going to get all the rest of brothers birthdays out of the way too, but you know I think I just did. What are birthdays anyways if they only bring out heartaches.

So, that's it with birthdays, until next month. I have a very special one to celebrate, My Father's.

So, I am going to take a sabatical from my mind until then.

See you in August.